YES DEAR, I'M LISTENING

DOG PEOPLE: 

A. are a special breed not usually recognized by the AKC. 
B. think everyone has dog crates in their living room
C. drive trucks, vans, and station wagons especially equipped  to haul dog crates. 
D. can never be reached on a weekend, they're usually at a       dog show. 
E. will drive 400 miles, spend $100 on gas, $200 on a motel and $150 for meals to bring home a 35 cent ribbon. 
F. have lush, green, beautiful back yards and they've never bought a bag of fertilizer. 
G. get up at 6 AM to walk the dogs, can be at ringside dressed to kill at 8 AM, but have trouble getting to work on time. 
H.  will usually give up the $150,000 home in the suburbs to move to a shack on 10 acres so their dogs have room to run. 
I. never miss a closing date for entry fees, but pay the mortgage 10 days late. 
J. would rather be audited by the IRS than investigated by the AKC. 
K. use dog food bags for trash cans and 30 gallon trash cans for dog food. 
L. talk for hours to another dog person in a language known only to dog people. 
M. have parents who think they've lost their minds. 
N. have dog friends who think they are terrific. 
O. are crazy. 

DOG LETTERS TO GOD

Dear God,

How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom smell one another?  Where are their priorities?

Dear God,

When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch?  Or is it the same old story?

Dear God,

Excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not one named for a dog?  How often do you see a cougar riding around?  We dogs love a nice ride!  I know every breed cannot have its own model, but it would be easy to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle!

Dear God,

If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God,

Is it true that in Heaven, dining room tables have on-ramps?

Dear God,

If we come back as humans, is that good or bad?

Dear God,

More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God,

When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God,

We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths.  What do humans understand?

Dear God,

Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone?  I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the beagle across the street!

Dear God,

Are there mailmen in Heaven?  If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God,

Is it true that dogs are not allowed in restaurants because we can't make up our minds what NOT to order?  Or is it the carpet then, again?

Dog Lovers

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they
 went." - Will Rogers

 "The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead
of
  his tongue."  - Anonymous

 "Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog." -
 Franklin P. Jones

 "If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise." - Unknown

 "A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three
> times before lying down." - Robert Benchley

 "I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious
 cult." - Rita Rudner

"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are
 wonderful." - Ann Landers

 "There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your
face." - Ben Williams

 "A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves
 himself." - Josh Billings

"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person." - Andrew A. Rooney

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax
and
 get used to the idea." - Robert A. Heinlein

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If you have any fun doggie stuff, submit it to

odie@Odiedog.com

Fun stuff includes puzzles, jokes, scrabbles, riddles, 

a picture with a hidden bone to find or whatever your 

imagination can conjure up.

Last Updated 04/05/03

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