DOG LAWS

1. If I like it, it's MINE.
2. If it's in my mouth,  it's MINE.
3. If I can take it from you, it's MINE.
4. If I had it a  little while ago, it's MINE.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be  yours in any WAY.
6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are MINE.
7. If it just looks like mine, it's MINE.
8. If I saw it first, it's  MINE.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it becomes  MINE.
10. If it's broken, it's  YOURS.
 

are you the family dog?

If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,

If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,

If you can overlook when people take things out on you when, though no fault of yours, something goes wrong,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can face the world without lies and deceit,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

If you can do all these things,

then you are probably the family dog

Author Unknown

dog pet peeves about human

Yelling at me for barking...I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!!

Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out.

Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...stop it.

Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests.  Sorry but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet...idiot.

Dog sweaters.  Have you noticed the fur?  Imbecile.

Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons.  Now you know why we chew your shit up when you're not home.

Taking me to the vet for "the big snip," then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back.

The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw.  You fooled a dog!  What a proud moment for the top of the food chain, you nitwit.

Invisible fences.  Why do you insist on screwing with us?  To my knowledge, dogdom hasn't yet solved the visible fence problem!

Blaming your farts on me...not funny.

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Revised: November 29, 2002 .

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