OLIVER

Hello.  My name is Beth. I went into your website a little reluctant as I am still grieving over the loss of my beloved beagle Oliver.  The pain is still very intense.  But I love beagles so much, so the need is there to find others who may have owned a beagle, and have suffered the loss. I am still coping with the reality of choosing death, and peace, for my pet.  I just wanted you to know that I really enjoyed your site, and Otis looks a lot like my Oliver.  Oliver lived from Aug.10,1986 to Jan.15,2001...and in my mind, he never grew or appeared old (he just got gray).  Probably why I am so lost right now.  I know I am beating myself up about the choice I had to make, but I was always able to make things better, and this time I could not.  I feel like Oliver just wanted me to take him home that day (after I received the bad prognosis on his medical condition), and I did not...it is a horrible feeling to think you "tricked" the pet that you loved so much.  I was with him, holding him, through it all, and I wanted it that way.  I had never left him in a time of need before, and I wanted him to know, & feel me, there, while he passed.  It was for both of us.

I read your story, and there were so many similarities, that I just had to respond!  I have been writing thoughts down, and hope to put them into a "story" some day about our lives together.  It has been a very profound past 12 months for me...I had my first child this past year, and had to end the life of my dearest companion...I believe he remained in my life to make sure I had another "baby" to take care of (knowing that he was my first "baby").  Being a new mom, at an older age (37), Oliver was with me through all of those positive & negative times in my life that led me to where I am today.

I had to smile at your comments on vacations, picking a husband, work, etc...all so true.  Even though we had a new addition to our family in 2000, Oliver was never neglected...in fact I miss the evenings most when he would sit in the baby's room doorway while I put the baby to sleep.  Then Oliver and I would begin our quiet time, to finish the day together....with a baby, my hands were full, but never my heart!  Our house is too quiet, and I feel I have lost some purpose.  A 13 month old helps ease the pain & occupies all of my time, which I love (and I thank God that I had my son to help me with this), but I miss the comfort that was all for me...that my Oliver provided unconditionally, every single day...and so enthusiastically!  My family truly understands my loss.  However, I think that I will gain comfort over time relating to others who have had this experience. 
 

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